You Ask Me Why
by Kohaku Minamoto
Summary: You ask me why I am so cold. You ask me why I am so distant. You ask me why I will never give you a straight answer. Hiei centric, oneshot.


**Kohaku**: I'm not sure whether this can count as angst, but I've discovered that I'm pretty good at thinking up weird stuff now. Hiei-centric is always fun to write. And I love his sense of humor…so sadistic…

**Hiei**: Hn. I refuse to be used in such a ridiculous fashion.

**Kohaku**: Oh, come on, Hiei, it won't be _that_ bad…I hope…

**DISCLAIMER**: Sadly, I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho. Maybe I will…someday…((goes into dream sequence))

* * *

You ask me why I am so cold. You ask me why I am so distant.

You ask me why I will never give you a straight answer.

It is because no one else has given me a straight answer. Never, in my entire experience as a demon.

So why should I?

No matter how much control I have over my emotions, something always manages to break loose. Sometimes anger, sometimes it's simply bloodlust.

Sometimes it is…envy.

Every time I look at the oaf, I feel burning hatred inside. He doesn't know how lucky he is, to never have been shunned by his own people, never lost someone close to him…

He is lucky…to be loved. I am jealous of him.

That's right. You heard me say it. I am jealous. Of the oaf. Not because of his abilities in battle – he can keepthat ridiculous orange glowstick of his and I'll stick with my katana, thank you very much. No. I envy him only because he still has the ability to love and be loved in return. He has a sister that will accept him.

No matter what.

That is simply why I hate him so much. Because he can express his feelings to Yukina, because he's always the one that she will call her hero.

And I? Simply a shadow in the background.

* * *

You say I don't care enough. But what do you know? Maybe I care too much. Haven't you ever wondered what is behind this mask of pure indifference?

I won't tell you, because even I don't know.

I have never had a home, none. Not the island of the koorime, not the caves I lived in as a thief, not even the old hag's dojo.

None.

They say that "home is where the heart is." Well, guess what?

Demons don't have hearts.

So I revise that statement. Home is where the heart is…

If you have a heart.

* * *

My name means "flying shadow." I don't know where I got it. Perhaps the first syllable came from my mother's name, Hina. Perhaps it is completely irrelevant. Wherever it came from, it fits me.

Hiei the Imiko. Boy of fire. A flame that doesn't belong among ice.

And never will, for fire will destroy ice.

But ice...will also destroy fire.

* * *

What I find strangely ironic is the fact that Yukina and I are so different. Like yin and yang, two forces that balance each other out. Irony. My whole life has been ironic. So why should this be any different?

When I saw Tarukane, the blubbering fool, holding her hostage with his fat, sausage-like hands, my temper nearly boiled over. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to make him beg for mercy, to promise never to hurt her ever, ever again.

I wanted to, but that look in her eyes stopped me.

Crimson. No, not like blood. Not like my own. They are wide, innocent, scared. The color of the sunset, like a softer reflection of my own.

She was scared. Of me. I could not bring myself to kill the ningen, no matter how hard my instincts screamed at me to.

Have I gone soft?

Yes. Maybe I have.

I do not know, myself.

* * *

Have I ever smiled? A true, genuine smile?

No. I have smirked, sneered, laughed like a madman.

But no. Never. I have never smiled.

My facial features are simply not accustomed to it. If I am amused, the corners of my mouth will simply lift in a condescending leer that has made demons more cocky than the detective cower in fear.

The detective didn't, though.

Neither did Kurama.

Do I consider them my friends?

No.

I do not have friends.

I only have enemies.

Some are simply more adverse towards me than others.

* * *

People say that I am insane.

Do I look like I care?

No.

Insanity simply depends on your point of view. Humans are simply no good when it comes to defining the term "insanity." Is a bloodthirsty killer insane, or is a person who spends their entire life in piety insane?

If you were a priest, you would say the former. If you were a berserk axefighter, you would say the latter.

I say that you are both insane.

* * *

Why do I wear so much black?

Yes, I will occasionally wear red and blue. My headband and scarf are white, but all else is black. The hints are subtle, and it takes a clever mind to see them.

Red represents bloodlust. It represents my anger, my hatred of all things.

Blue represents...what? My mother's hair? Her eyes? Her tear gem? I still do not know.

White represents the purity that I will never have. End of story.

And black?

A mourning color. The reflection of my soul, tainted and impure.

So, am I mourning for my defiled soul, stained with the blood of those who have dared to challenge me in battle?

Not on your life. I could care less.

1234567890

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

It is a ridiculous statement. Sticks and stones do _not_ break my bones.

Words can hurt.

It only depends on the speaker.

For instance, if the oaf says "I hate you!" to me, I couldn't care less. I could even say "I hate you too!" back, but that would be childish.

But, if Yukina said "I hate you," even if it was in a soft tone, I think my soul might just shatter.

If it hasn't been shattered already.

Do you consider me soft?

Thosewould have been the last words to pass from your mouth.

* * *

"Words will never hurt me." Feh. Ningen philosophies are always so worthless. I prefer my own philosophies.

Words are meaningless. It is simply the tone that matters.

So, the next time you ask me why I will never give you a straight answer, think for yourself.

Does the word "hn" matter more, or does the way I say it matter more?

Pay attention to the tone, and it will tell you all you need to know.

Hn.

* * *

**Kohaku**: I think…that was…

**Hiei**: ((Speechless))

**Kohaku**: Hello? Hiei? ((Waves hand in front of his face))

**Hiei**: ((Unsheathes sword)) I am going to kill you, onna!

**Kohaku**: Eep! Run!

**Kurama**: ((Walks in just as Kohaku runs out with Hiei on her heels)) Oh my.

**Kohaku**: Before Hiei kills me, I just want you to know…I'd like some reviews, please! They'd be nice offerings at my funeral pyre!

**Hiei**: Which I will burn! Die!

**Kohaku**: Ah!

**Japanese Translations**  
Ningen - Human

_Kohaku Minamoto_


End file.
